what do i do, i dont know any longer?
Question by Andy s: what do i do, i dont know anymore?
I have been married to my husband for almost 11 years, i have two children from a previous relationship one is now living away from home the other is 15
I have 2 children with my husband aged 12 and 10,
problem is my husband is 20 years older then me 5 years ago he had a 4×4 heart by-pass which has changed him he also has type 2 diabetes
we no longer sleep together as 1 his snoring is like a sonic boom his hygiene habits are disgusting he may take a shower once every 6 weeks
he also cant perform any more in the bedroom department
he is extremely untidy boxs of junk occupy every room in the house but if myself or the children leave even a glass for longer then 5 mins he has a temper about it
he no longer works, i have tried to like the sort of things he does but i just dont, i can spend 9 hours just cleaning up the mess in the living room
he does vacuum everyday but just the floor space you can see never moves any thing or dust, he does cook ready meals and feels he is hard done by always moaning to his mother he does every thing
he never shares in the care of the children and never takes them out of reads or plays with them
we have been for counseling this hasnt worked he has promised he will do things and he never does, his excuses range from the weather to he is busy doing everything else
TBH i have had enough, i stay here because of the kids he provides me with no money i rely on child tax credits for every thing
I want him to go but know he will go mad maybe even hurst us
Best answer:
Answer by Cj
I feel really sorry for you. It sounds awfull. Is he violent at all? If he is then you MUST get out now.
If not maybe you and the kids would be better off living in a poorer place but a happy home.
Have you told him how you feel?
If you have and he has not done anything to improve the situation then it is his own fault.
Good luck and I hope you sort out a good and happy life for you and the kids.
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Has he hurt you in the past? If so go to the authorities!
There are associations set up to help people in your situation. Mediators, lawyers social workers, etc.
Girl you tell him that you will leave if he doesn’t change!
about him hurting you-you need to stay strong. strong for yourself,strong for your kids. you may consider getting a divorce. I would recommend watching this movie :”Enough.” its a great movie you would probably feel comfortable watching.If he hits you/the first time he hits you-GET GONE.
Because if he does it once-he WILL do it again.
Tough situation to be in. Have you spoken to a counsellor one to one about this…this would probably be a good idea to give you some clarity. Maybe staying for the children is not the best answer, especially if he takes no part in their lives. I wish you the best as it is going to take time to sort through this mess and I am sure it will not be easy what ever you choose.
I stopped at the 6week shower.Take your babies and run. Plan a safe getaway, save a little money or sell something that he won’t initially miss, then GO!!! Run far and DON’T LOOK BACK!!!!!!
You have to worry about your happiness and your kids. If he don st help raise them then why stay ???? And if you are staying for your kids and you are unhappy chances are they are unhappy too. I know I was when my Mom stayed with my step dad after they both knew it was over. Be sides I don’t know you or him but he sounds gross and who would want to be around that?? Life is short go live yours on your terms not HIS!!
I guess you didn’t say, “for better or for worse” when you married him.
Divorce him then. He’s not the smooth ladykiller you were hoping for. He’s sick and o ld and you could get more money out of him by leaving.
Sheesh. how incredibly sad.
Do you have any family that can help you? He is abusing you, and disgusting, to boot! If you are the one working, I would start hoarding money…heck start hoarding it anyway! You need to get a nest egg started for you and the kids to get away and start a life on your own! GL!
Life’s too short, I wasted 12 years on someone… never again! Ok, so you may never meet Mr Right, I would rather be happy and single than be unhappy with Mr/s wrong.
Sounds like you need to make a plan on getting out yourself. Talk to friends, family, etc. See if you can take the kids and go stay with them until you can get your own place. Check with your local state services, social services about qualifying for section 8 or assisted housing etc. Get on food stamps, whatever else it takes. You could even qualify to go back to school to get a degree to support the kids and yourself. But first of all, make your plan to leave. Don’t wait on him to leave, because as a long as he is comfortable, he isn’t going anywhere.
You are setting an example for your kids. Do you want your kids to get married, have a husband like yours and take crap like that?
I hate it when people say “im staying for the kids” when clearly he has no positive influence in their lives.
My advice is tell him to go “live with his mother” or if your afraid he’ll hurt you, start secretly saving money then just move out. don’t worry about him, he has his ‘mother’ to take care of him….
Sounds to me like he,s giving up on life cause of his health issues. Listen if you love him still you have to reach him he,s in there somewhere. His snoring and diabetes leads me to beleive he has (sleep apnea) this is a disorder that is very serious, i would get him an appointment for a sleep study to find the severity of it. He will probablly be put on a (cpap) machine for breathing at night, this machine will help him body and mind it will restore some of his energy but there,s more! If he,s not able to acheive an erection its prbablly because of (venous insufficientcy) this is a painless doppler test like a ultrasound on the legs and groind area to determine this. If in fact he has this he would have problems with blood flow to all lower extremeties of the body thus causing (ed). and leg problems, feet and ankles swell ext….. now i bet he,s overweight right? He,s gotta control his weight to feel better and keep his diabetes at a good level. As far as the ed there are things that will help of course viagra and others will help but if the insuffient flow of blood to this area is severe enouph he can try to use a (actis ring) or otherwise called (and pardon my saying this) penis ring. This will help to sustain an erection or even obtain 1 . Now theres also another test he needs and thats called a blood test to check his testotserone levels, chances are if hes overweight he has a testosterone deficientcy and these can be corrected with injections every 2 weeks this will give him more energy also.This is alot to take in i know but if you love him you need to help him or he,s going to die, i think he,s on his way and he knows it. Let him know there,s hope he cant give up…….i didnt and its an awsome felling to feel alive again loving and laughing with my wife and kids. Call his doctor today get him an appointment and stand by him. remember this is your kids father! Make him do it tell him if he dont your gonna leave him. ………good luck to you and there is hope its out there for him he,s gotta lay his pride aside to regain his self asteem. Search the web for these things ive told you about(knolage is the greatest cure of all)……..godbless
Do you have any money that you could get your hands on?
Or could you raise some cash by selling off some of your old stuff at a boot sale?
If so, use it to put down as a deposit and first month’s rent on a rented flat, even if it is a small one.
Then move out.
Claim as many benefits to help you pay future rentals as you can.
Get a lawyer, legal aid, whatever, divorce him.
Explain to the kids and take them with you.
Enough is enough. Don’t put up with all this shit. Life is too short.
I think you have answered your own question. Supposing you were going on a first date with this man and someone read you a description of him like the one above. Would you go?
Get the police to him, he sounds like a right idiot !!!!